Boston Marathon 2013

Friends,

Wanted to share some thoughts I shared with colleagues and fellow runners in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings. Writing about this has helped our family process the event. Thank you for your continued prayers for the victims, their families and for the investigating authorities.

-james

Report from Boston Marathon 2013:

I want to thank all of my colleagues, friends, and fellow runners for your prayers and concern in the aftermath of the Boston Marathon bombings.

Fortunately my family and I are safe in our hotel just outside Boston City limits.  We left the finish area about 30 mins before the explosion. Our thoughts and prayers are with the victims and their families during this challenging and confusing time.

I spent a good portion of Monday afternoon responding to concerned texts, emails and social media messages - and for that I am thankful because it means I have friends who care enough to be concerned! I also spent some time talking to a close friend who is a newspaper reporter, who happened to be following my race results online. He asked about my reactions to the events, which prompted me to further process the events and my reaction as a runner, maybe more so than I would have otherwise. I shared this with some of my colleagues already today and thought I would post these thoughts and reflections here also, feeling that other runners might have some of the same feelings, or might be unsure how to feel. 

The Kanary family experience at the Boston Marathon was too close for comfort. Just a day before these tragic events my wife, 3 children and mother in law and a close friend and his son were all standing in the very spot where one explosive device went off- just outside the Marathon Sports shoppe where we visited to buy more souvenirs after the race expo. During the Marathon my family was on Boylston Street - close to where another device went off - after catching me around mile 25.5, as they walked to the family meeting area. As luck would have it I finished well before the explosion and we were all in the family meeting area a block or so away before deciding to head back to the hotel, rather than experience more of the race ambiance, free massages, and celebration. 

We were already driving toward our hotel when we heard the news- or rather when the text messages changed from "congrats" and "kudos"  to "are you ok?" and "just heard the news.."

The entire day and my perspective on the race changed in that moment.

As many of you know, after you run 26.2 miles your body and brain are completely spent. This marathon is no different. Medical personnel in white Boston Athletic Association running jackets stand and watch as you finish, wheelchairs in hand, ready to catch you and whisk you to the medical tent should your legs not know how to function after you stop running. [Sidenote: I was the recipient of such rapid response after finishing my first marathon -the Flying Pig in 2011- where I received a bonus prize of 2 bags of IV fluid and an extra T-shirt.]  The medical personnel at races  like Boston, Cincinnati and Hospital Hill are super-human nurses, physicians and other healthcare professionals- not getting paid a dime for their service. They are volunteers there to serve and use their skills to help others. More on this in a moment.

If you pass on that free ride in a wheelchair you probably have just enough left in your tank to walk to the family meeting area, look for the section with the first letter of your last name, then hug your wife, kids and mother in law (in that order [just kidding, Mom.]) You hang out still somewhat in a daze, taking pictures and joyously celebrating together. You just finished what many consider the Super Bowl of the running world. Pure elation. Then because you're famished you steal some food from your 2 year old when she's not looking. If you can speak in complete sentences, you thank your training team that put up with the brutal training schedule - including your mother in law. 

In just a few minutes all of that joy and celebration would change to shock and confusion.

The Boston Marathon is an international, world class celebration of endurance for many ages, backgrounds and nationalities- this year 27,000 or more ran in the race with thousands more in attendance. Everyone here has a story, having to qualify with a competitive running time just to have a chance to register, which is harder than getting U2 tickets in Dublin.  I have shared my story of transformation with many people and what got me to this stage and milestone of celebration. At Boston there are thousands of stories just like mine, or likely better.

All that changed and became meaningless not long after the finishers medal was hung around my neck. What happened Monday was clearly an act of terror orchestrated to stab at the heart of a joyous time for the city of Boston, the running community, and the world.  From joy to shock and confusion, then to anger. Anger when hearing about innocent victims who were senselessly killed or harmed. Anger because the joy of the event was taken from so many athletes, volunteers, families.  All from these acts of cowardice.

There's another way one can get into Boston Marathon. Several thousand runners secure a racing bib through fundraising of, what I believe to be, $5000 or more- which takes some serious phone calling, facebooking and emailing. Monday morning I met a young woman in the Athlete Village who had raised $6000 for Dana Farber Cancer Research to secure her race bib. On top of that she trained hard for what was to be her first marathon.

After my initial shock turned to anger, I felt a new reaction brewing. It dawned on me that the start time for charity runners was later in the day, so it is likely that that young woman I met earlier and thousands of other charity runners were never able to finish this prestigious race. Frustration.

I also know of a colleague who was in the midst of running the race with his fiancee and they weren't able to finish. Escorted off the course at Mile 18. More frustration.

As my family and I continued to process the day, not only were we thankful for our own safety but even more thankful when we realized that there could have been more victims. Other devices may have been found and further destruction and bloodshed was prevented. The barriers meant to keep runners in and crowds out near the finish may have saved lives. And remember those super-human medical professionals I mentioned earlier?  They were already positioned nearby (watching for wobbly runners like me) when the incidents occurred. Essentially there was a pre-arranged grid full of first-responders on standby, and for that I am thankful, as I am sure the victims who are being treated are also. I should also mention there were a lot of police and other personnel onsite for the regular safety of the crowd and runners. I am so thankful they were close by as well!

Yesterday was Monday. Patriot's Day. The 117th running of the Boston Marathon.  And a very long and emotional day for so many.  As a runner my emotions ran the spectrum from joy to shock to anger to frustration and now to reflection and thankfulness. The victims and all those impacted consume my thoughts.

Finally, I am thankful for many things including the concern and prayers offered by all of my friends, family, colleagues and fellow runners.

Late Monday night I was finally able to come down from the highs and lows of the day and get some rest.  Today brings a new dawn. And we will race on together.

Celebrating

One of the beautiful things about getting older while keeping in touch with friends from high school is seeing those friends build families of their own.  It began with a marriage, then a few more, and another.  Some close to home, others in new and exotic places.  Pretty soon baby showers began and the young limbs growing on the family trees began budding. 

The main reason we journeyed to Atlanta in January was so I could help host a baby shower celebrating the much anticipated addition to the Conley clan.  Five of who we lovingly refer to as the "Tifton Girls" met in Atlanta to co-host the shower for Carrie (and Rod).  The theme was adorable - Little Man - with mustaches adorning everything from the invitations to the hostess gifts.  

Brandy, Danielle, Carrie, Me, and Alexis

Carrie's sister Shannon and long-time friend Runi rounded out the hostess crew with long-distance support from the sixth "Tifton Girl," Tamara.  Shannon and Danielle did a ton of prep work and we all gathered several hours before the shower to transform Carrie's mom Yvonne's beautiful home into a teal and orange celebration for the little man to come.

Danielle, Shannon, Carrie, Me, Brandy, Runi, Alexis

A celebration like that wouldn't be complete without beginning the day with breakfast followed by pedicures.  We had a great time catching up, talking babies, and just hanging out.  The guys joined us as we welcomed a nice group of Carrie and Rod's friends to get them ready for the baby's arrival.  We ate great food, met fun people, and watched the presents pile up.

A month later, on our way back from a trip to Florida, we stopped back in Atlanta and were able to visit Carrie and Rod on what turned out to be the day before baby Crosby was born!  Crosby came into the world hours after we left Atlanta, heading for home.

On The Road...to Atlanta

In January we piled everyone into the minivan and headed to Atlanta to celebrate with my good friend Carrie and her husband Rod as they prepared to welcome their first child.  The baby shower was awesome, time spent with old friends was special, and the hiking side trip on the way home was truly a blessing.

As we drove through Chattanooga, Tennessee I was on a mission.  I was driving, had my eye on the prize - being home at a decent hour (i.e. before midnight), I was not interested in a roadside diversion.  Fortunately for all of us, James had an itch to explore and convinced me to find a park he saw on the map.  I pulled off, with no small amount of grumbling, intent on quickly finding this park, stretching our legs for a few minutes, and getting back on the road.  Fifteen minutes and several wrong turns later we found the nearly unmarked road leading to the park.  We parked and loaded a backpack with some snacks, put Ella into a backpack carrier, and started down a trail. 

The sound of rushing water soon swelled from around a bend.  We came around a group of rocks to find and awesome river.

We hiked for a couple of miles, crossing bridges, climbing over rocks, stepping around tree roots, and sometimes pulling ourselves up embankments.  We found walking sticks to do the trail Gandalf-style.  The kids made a game of finding the trail markers and being the leader of our crew.

The trail came to a beautiful waterfall where we sat down and had lunch.  The hike back to the car was a little faster, but just as beautiful.  We met nice people along the way, chatting for a moment or just waving hello.  We got back on the road, tired but exhilarated.  Our jaunt into the woods meant a post-midnight arrival back in Kansas City, but the memories we made were well worth the road weariness and exhaustion.

Renewed Purpose

We felt like a ship without a heading for a couple of months.  We had the basic information.  We thought we knew what we wanted to do.  We thought we knew what God wanted us to do...sort of.  We just didn't know where to go from there with no map to guide us.  I am a detail-oriented person.  I need a specific set of instructions or a specific plan in place to accomplish a goal.  Starting or growing a family is not like that.  Fortunately, when starting or growing your family biologically once you are pregnant, backing out isn't much of an option.  Once you see the two pink lines, the plus sign, or the digital readout indicating "pregnant," you can't back off and say, "I'm not so sure about this, lets wait a while."  With adoption you have to make decisions at each stage and take purposeful steps forward in order for things to progress.  Without a positive test and a due date to determine your general course and a growing belly to show your progress, it can be a little discouraging.  Second-guessing your decision to have a baby doesn't really matter when you are pregnant, you are all in.  Second-guessing your decision to adopt a baby or merely wondering if this is really what God wants for your family can be a major roadblock, bringing your journey to a screeching halt until you get yourself back on track and take the next intentional step.
We were stuck at a roadblock for a couple of months.  Then a few weeks ago, after a lot of prayer, we decided to take the next purposeful step.  We applied to begin the Home Study process and signed up for the first required class.  We were approved to begin the Home Study process, got babysitters (we have some amazing friends) for the three kiddos, and attended the adoption class at our home study agency.  The class was an opportunity to walk through the process with a social worker, ask questions, and interact with other couples/families also hoping to adopt.  What became glaringly obvious as we went around the room to introduce ourselves and tell where we were in the process was that we needed to get our buns in gear!  We hadn't touched the home study packet (read: 2-inch thick, 3-ring binder full of paperwork to fill out, and tasks to accomplish).
So, I am happy to say that we are now well into the packet (thanks to my wonderful husband who hung out with the kids all day yesterday while I filled out forms, answered questions, stuffed envelopes, and prepared items for submission).  We still have quite a bit to do, but we are approaching the journey with renewed purpose.  We may not know exactly what the journey will look like, but we are making intentional strides in the direction of growing our family.

And the journey begins...

We have had the issue of adoption on our hearts for years.  It was just always something we were interested in.  James' brother Paul is adopted, his cousin adopted a beautiful little girl to add another smiling face to their family, we have watched many friends struggle with infertility, James' sister and her family have fostered kids...the list goes on.  Adoption just always remained something in the back of our minds.  Thanks to God, we were able to conceive with no trouble at all.  We were staggered a bit by a miscarriage in the midst of bringing home three wonderful children.  Aside from that we were blessed and content.
That is, we were content until a few months ago.  We hadn't really ever thought that much about adoption from the Biblical perspective and had only really started thinking about it from the environmental sustainability perspective.  But sometime in November/December, God gave us the kick in the pants that got us on our journey to adoption.  Within the span of a single weekend the concept of adoption came at us on just about every level in our life.  From friends talking about it, to the topic coming up in plot lines of movies or TV we were watching, to a seemingly out-of-the-blue message about it from our pastor at church that Sunday, we got the message.  We needed to look more into adoption as it related to our family.  Before we left church on Sunday James actually told a friend, "God has done everything but take out a billboard to tell us we need to investigate adoption further."  Our friend's response..."You haven't driven home yet."
One of the things mentioned that Sunday as part of the sermon was a class that some members of our church were hosting about adoption.  It was a one-day, all-day class about adoption from a Biblical perspective.  So we signed up, and a few weeks later we took part in the class and learned a lot more about adoption.  We got plugged into the adoption community at our church.  We started reading books, talking to friends and family, doing research online..anything we could to learn more. 
With all that initial momentum you would think we were off to a running start, but after the holidays we just felt stuck.  We had a lot more information, but didn't really know what to do with it.  We prayed about it a lot.  We asked others to pray with and for us.  We talked about it, then we avoided talking about it, then we started talking about it again.  We set up a meeting with a local agency that does home studies and also facilitates local adoptions.  We met with the wonderful owner of Adoption & Beyond here in Overland Park.  She was a font of information and exerted no pressure on us to sign up for anything we weren't ready for.
We solicited information from several local and national agencies, including an adoption facilitation agency (different from a traditional adoption agency).  The people I spoke to at the facilitation agency were extremely gracious and honest.  They ultimately decided that our family dynamic didn't fit with any of the birth mothers currently on their list so politely declined to take us on as clients.  More on that in another post...
After all that, we were still stuck.

Christmas 2011

What a wonderful year it has been! We have been blessed beyond measure this year and look

forward to a wonderful 2012.

We have been having an awesome time with Grandma Melanie and Uncle Lucas the last few days. The kids can't get enough of them.

Mom heard "grandma, grandma" every 5 minutes for the first two days she was here and Lucas could hardly walk into a room without being mobbed by kids who wanted to climb on him.

Ella has taken the opportunity to grow up before our eyes! She has added a word every other day to her vocabulary in the last week or so. It is amazing to watch her mimic Katherine, Jack, Grandma, Uncle Lucas, James and I. She notices so much around her that we don't even realize!

The kids have had a blast doing projects with Grandma. They decorated a gingerbread house from a kit our neighbor Amy gave us - the temptation that provided was too much so the house was relocated to get it out o sight and hopefully out of little minds!

Christmas morning was awesome. The kids had a great time opening and playing with their new presents. We haven't broken out the new Wii games yet, but with an added controller the kids and Grandma will have a blast dancing with the Nick characters and exploring with Diego.

By far, the most amazing blessing this Christmas has been having Grandma and Uncle Lucas with us. My heart swells watching them interact with the kids, enjoying the little things and the big things.

We celebrate the birth of our savior this time of year and look to Easter remembering that He makes all things pure and new. An awesome reminder of this came when we opened the items in our stockings this morning. Katherine received a pack of sight word flashcards which James opened to check out. The first card he pulled out had the word "make" on one side and "new" on the other. God is amazingly faithful, blessing us in too many ways to enumerate. I pray that you are filled with joy this holiday season and beyond!

September in review...

Things have been busy in the Kanary nest this month. Obviously we welcomed Ella to the world on the 7th. We celebrated James' birthday on the 13th. Grandma and Grandpa Kanary came to visit for almost a week. James went back to work. Kat's mothers group re-started after taking the summer off. Uncle Lucas (or as Jack says it "undle ludas") stopped for the night with his bandmates on their way from one show to the next during the midwest leg of their tour. Now we are gearing up for Katherine's birthday and looking forward to Halloween!

Here are some pictures from the month:

Jack meets Ella Rose

Jack meets Ella Rose, originally uploaded by kokanary.

Katherine and Jack stayed with our wonderful neighbors the night we spent in the hospital and Jack hung out with them during the 2 days I was in labor and recovering.

When we came home it was almost 9pm, but they brought Jack home to meet his new baby sister and got to enjoy the introduction with us!

Katherine meets Ella Rose

VID00050, originally uploaded by kokanary.

We hadn't planned to bring Katherine or Jack to the hospital to meet Ella. We thought it would just be easier to have the introduction be on home turf in an environment we could more easily control. Things just worked out such that we asked to be discharged from the hospital early and that meant James picked Katherine up at school and the two of them came back to the hospital to pick Ella and I up to go home. So, we got Katherine on video meeting Ella in the hospital.

My favorite question from Katherine - how do you know it is a girl? Well, honey, the same way we know you are a girl, I guess... She asked the question several times - apparently it was important to know for sure!

I also love that she was excited about her new baby sister, but equally excited to see the hospital room and check things out! Before long all she really wanted was a snack...typical Katherine!

Fun surprise from friends!

Opening gifts from the Hren family, originally uploaded by kokanary.

When we got up from naps today there was a box on our front porch. While cooking dinner we opened the package to find presents! We were blessed to have the opportunity to show a friend's family around and hang out a bit when they came to help him move to KC a few weeks ago.

As if the blessing of their company wasn't enough, they sent the kids gifts - we are so blessed! Thank you so much Clem, Fran and Jessica. We would love to host you for dinner the next time you are in town!