Renewed Purpose

We felt like a ship without a heading for a couple of months.  We had the basic information.  We thought we knew what we wanted to do.  We thought we knew what God wanted us to do...sort of.  We just didn't know where to go from there with no map to guide us.  I am a detail-oriented person.  I need a specific set of instructions or a specific plan in place to accomplish a goal.  Starting or growing a family is not like that.  Fortunately, when starting or growing your family biologically once you are pregnant, backing out isn't much of an option.  Once you see the two pink lines, the plus sign, or the digital readout indicating "pregnant," you can't back off and say, "I'm not so sure about this, lets wait a while."  With adoption you have to make decisions at each stage and take purposeful steps forward in order for things to progress.  Without a positive test and a due date to determine your general course and a growing belly to show your progress, it can be a little discouraging.  Second-guessing your decision to have a baby doesn't really matter when you are pregnant, you are all in.  Second-guessing your decision to adopt a baby or merely wondering if this is really what God wants for your family can be a major roadblock, bringing your journey to a screeching halt until you get yourself back on track and take the next intentional step.
We were stuck at a roadblock for a couple of months.  Then a few weeks ago, after a lot of prayer, we decided to take the next purposeful step.  We applied to begin the Home Study process and signed up for the first required class.  We were approved to begin the Home Study process, got babysitters (we have some amazing friends) for the three kiddos, and attended the adoption class at our home study agency.  The class was an opportunity to walk through the process with a social worker, ask questions, and interact with other couples/families also hoping to adopt.  What became glaringly obvious as we went around the room to introduce ourselves and tell where we were in the process was that we needed to get our buns in gear!  We hadn't touched the home study packet (read: 2-inch thick, 3-ring binder full of paperwork to fill out, and tasks to accomplish).
So, I am happy to say that we are now well into the packet (thanks to my wonderful husband who hung out with the kids all day yesterday while I filled out forms, answered questions, stuffed envelopes, and prepared items for submission).  We still have quite a bit to do, but we are approaching the journey with renewed purpose.  We may not know exactly what the journey will look like, but we are making intentional strides in the direction of growing our family.