He is here.

He is here.

 

I couldn't believe the text I just read. I just let Kat know that I was two minutes away from the hospital and she responded with "He is here." What? (followed by a couple f-bombs. Luckily the kids weren't in the car with me.) How could I have missed it? We thought we have one or two more hours until the pushing so I left the room to drive to the rental house and bring the kids and Uncle Kevin to the hospital. Halfway into the 10 minute drive Kat texted to let me know the pushing had begun, so I knew I had to turn around. Surely I'd make it in time, I thought. I missed the birth by about 5 minutes.

 

As frustrating as the miscalculation seemed at the time, upon further reflection we were glad it was just Kat and Connie in there together. They had bonded all morning since the 4:30 am pick up time and red eye drive to the hospital. And even though Connie said she was ok with me being in the room, I sensed it was better for all of us that I missed a few minutes of details.

 

My absence also ensured Kat would cut the cord- an experience she has never had, having been slightly preoccupied during the birth of our first three children.

I ran into the room just after they placed the baby in the giant combined basinette, warmer, and scale contraption. It looked as if this device could make a mean expresso for all I knew.

But there he was! Our baby boy! And the most important thing is that this baby was safe and healthy, and crying. Crying! Good, healthy crying. Connie looked relieved and Kat was smiling. Joy. Relief. Wonder. Amazement. Was he ok? Was everyone ok? I think so.

My reaction was similar to when I met our first three children. Tears of joy. Hugging Kat- except we were both standing up this time. That was a new feeling.

I was able to hold him almost immediately. I forgot how light babies are. And the whole neck support thing- better get used to that again, I thought. We took pictures. So did Connie. The flow of text messages, emails, and social media posts began.

 

 

His scores were good and he appeared healthy. What's the catch? I thought. It will be 72 hours until the withdrawl symptoms manifest. Still a long road to go.

It only took one look to confirm we had the right name picked out. Elijah Luke Kanary. It fit him. I just couldn't bring myself to write it, or say it, until I actually met him. I have developed a reputation amongst our friends for my superstitious nature here- refusing to talk about baby names "until I meet the baby." Well I finally I met him. And he is definitely, most fittingly, Elijah.

My sister pointed out that his initials spell out the name ELK, a "majestic" animal in its own right.

Elijah Luke Kanary, born 1:37 pm Eastern time on April 22, 2014. Weighing 7 pounds, 6 ounces. 19 and a half inches in length. A majestic little boy, indeed!

Connie couldn't wait to get out of there- and since her 5 am arrival had been ensuring every staff member- including housekeeping- knew of her desire to leave early. She had been down the adoption road before and wanted to get out of the hospital as quickly as possible. We couldn't be certain if it was to seek comfort of familiar surroundings, people (and possibly substances), or to avoid the painful feelings and emotions she would (once again) feel after offering a child to another family for adoption. Maybe it was all of the above. Or none of the above. It didn't matter. We understood.

Later on while the baby was in the nursery for his bath I went to check on Connie. She spoke briefly about the birth father- who had refused his parental rights long ago. He specifically requested that she not send him pictures. He didn't want to see them. Or him. "I want to send him a picture, just so he'll see," she said. Then she broke down. "What kind of person....doesn't want to see their baby? He doesn't even care. He doesn't care. Doesn't care about anyone, but himself" she sobbed.

I tried to comfort her. Reminding her that she cares. And that mattered. That means something. She loves and cares for this baby. And she's a good person. I didn't know what else to say.

We convinced our adoption attorney Mark to get to the hospital as quickly as possible to get the signings and witnessings done so the parental rights paperwork can be finalized. Once that's done we can have "custody" of the child in the hospital- especially with Connie wanting the early departure. There's a risk we won't or can't all get back into the same location again tomorrow.

Strutting into the delivery room in a dark window pane-patterned suit, Mark brought a stack of papers, a ball point pen, and a full-fledged live court reporter with a rollerbag suitcase full of gear. In less than one hour the initial round of paperwork was done. Connie wanted to be certain her four months of post-partum living expenses (in cash) would come along with Mark. It did.

The epidural had worn off just enough that Connie could begin to feel her legs and walk. So "AMA" (Against Medical Advice) she decided she was ready to leave. Less than 5 hours after giving birth. A record time for any birth mother, according to Mark.

In a whirlwind of hugs and kisses, Connie, her mother who came to drive her home, and Jojo (who had just met her biological little brother) were gone. We'll see them again at least once before we leave for Kansas- as we had agreed upon.

Kat couldn't wait to get her hands, or rather, two other specific body parts, on this baby. We planned and hoped to have the opportunity to breastfeed this child- as we have been blessed to do successfully with our first three. Kat had been studying, pumping and preparing for this day for weeks. We held on loosely to the hope that nurturing our child in this way would be possible. While my request to publish pictures was denied by my "editor," I am happy to report that Elijah is latching on and feeding well thus far in his first few hours with us. In fact just tonight one of the nurses complimented him on his "excellent latch." Well done, son. Well done.

Mark shared some slightly discouraging yet not surprising news- the ICPC (acronym for Interstate Beauracracy for adoptions) for the state of Florida is backed up- and the approvals are taking longer than usual for other adoptive familes. In some cases paperwork that was sent in over a week ago hasn't even been opened yet. We should expect the worse, which could put us in Florida for another two weeks. Maybe more.

The hospital staff graciously offered us our own recovery room so that we could care for Elijah until his discharge- which could be as soon as tomorrow, maybe the next day. The room was ready, and now that our kids were there, Mark suggested we roll Elijah into the new room so they could meet their new baby brother for the first time. After greetings of wonder, amazement and cooing, a round of supervised baby holding, and plenty of sheilding our new son from the sneezes and coughs of our youngest daughter, we settled into our new room. Mark said goodnight, knowing he'll see us tomorrow or the next day for more paperwork. Later on I would take the kids back to the rental house so that Kat could spend the night with Elijah.

But for the moment, the first moment ever, it's just us in the room. The new us. Kanarys: Party of 6.

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Birthdays Abound

We are about halfway through our fall birthday frenzy.  We begin September celebrating the birth of Ella Rose, followed closely by James. You will notice that my lovely friend Tara is holding the birthday girl - sadly I was not there for her actual birthday.  She was surrounded by plenty of friends who had gathered to watch the Wolverines and the Bulldogs (blessedly not in the same game).  The kids had a blast making and decorating her birthday cookie treats (as evidenced by the sprinkles and other decorations I was sweeping up in the kitchen for days after).  I was sad to miss it, but we celebrated as a family with presents and well-wishes when I returned.  Special cards came in the mail from Grandma and Grandpa and Great Grandma (GiGi).  Here is a special thank you from the birthday girl just for the G's - she got a little tongue-tied with all the greats and grands, but you get the idea!

While they were celebrating our little girl turning 3, I was a couple states away at a retreat for adoptive and foster moms with a group from the adoption ministry at our church.  10 women from the Kansas City area (5 from our church) drove to a retreat center in rural Illinois for a restful weekend with other adoptive/foster moms.  I made some amazing connections, got to know women from our church better, and enjoyed a couple days not focusing on homeschool and the other craziness that is life with a family of 5.

We are truly blessed to have some amazing friends in our life who come around us to celebrate special occasions and the everyday! 

James flew home from a trip just in time to celebrate his 37th birthday!  The kids and I had fun wrapping presents, making cards, and decorating for the birthday boy.  Of course, I made his favorite chocolate cake and we enjoyed homemade potato soup for dinner...yummy. 

Renewed Purpose

We felt like a ship without a heading for a couple of months.  We had the basic information.  We thought we knew what we wanted to do.  We thought we knew what God wanted us to do...sort of.  We just didn't know where to go from there with no map to guide us.  I am a detail-oriented person.  I need a specific set of instructions or a specific plan in place to accomplish a goal.  Starting or growing a family is not like that.  Fortunately, when starting or growing your family biologically once you are pregnant, backing out isn't much of an option.  Once you see the two pink lines, the plus sign, or the digital readout indicating "pregnant," you can't back off and say, "I'm not so sure about this, lets wait a while."  With adoption you have to make decisions at each stage and take purposeful steps forward in order for things to progress.  Without a positive test and a due date to determine your general course and a growing belly to show your progress, it can be a little discouraging.  Second-guessing your decision to have a baby doesn't really matter when you are pregnant, you are all in.  Second-guessing your decision to adopt a baby or merely wondering if this is really what God wants for your family can be a major roadblock, bringing your journey to a screeching halt until you get yourself back on track and take the next intentional step.
We were stuck at a roadblock for a couple of months.  Then a few weeks ago, after a lot of prayer, we decided to take the next purposeful step.  We applied to begin the Home Study process and signed up for the first required class.  We were approved to begin the Home Study process, got babysitters (we have some amazing friends) for the three kiddos, and attended the adoption class at our home study agency.  The class was an opportunity to walk through the process with a social worker, ask questions, and interact with other couples/families also hoping to adopt.  What became glaringly obvious as we went around the room to introduce ourselves and tell where we were in the process was that we needed to get our buns in gear!  We hadn't touched the home study packet (read: 2-inch thick, 3-ring binder full of paperwork to fill out, and tasks to accomplish).
So, I am happy to say that we are now well into the packet (thanks to my wonderful husband who hung out with the kids all day yesterday while I filled out forms, answered questions, stuffed envelopes, and prepared items for submission).  We still have quite a bit to do, but we are approaching the journey with renewed purpose.  We may not know exactly what the journey will look like, but we are making intentional strides in the direction of growing our family.

And the journey begins...

We have had the issue of adoption on our hearts for years.  It was just always something we were interested in.  James' brother Paul is adopted, his cousin adopted a beautiful little girl to add another smiling face to their family, we have watched many friends struggle with infertility, James' sister and her family have fostered kids...the list goes on.  Adoption just always remained something in the back of our minds.  Thanks to God, we were able to conceive with no trouble at all.  We were staggered a bit by a miscarriage in the midst of bringing home three wonderful children.  Aside from that we were blessed and content.
That is, we were content until a few months ago.  We hadn't really ever thought that much about adoption from the Biblical perspective and had only really started thinking about it from the environmental sustainability perspective.  But sometime in November/December, God gave us the kick in the pants that got us on our journey to adoption.  Within the span of a single weekend the concept of adoption came at us on just about every level in our life.  From friends talking about it, to the topic coming up in plot lines of movies or TV we were watching, to a seemingly out-of-the-blue message about it from our pastor at church that Sunday, we got the message.  We needed to look more into adoption as it related to our family.  Before we left church on Sunday James actually told a friend, "God has done everything but take out a billboard to tell us we need to investigate adoption further."  Our friend's response..."You haven't driven home yet."
One of the things mentioned that Sunday as part of the sermon was a class that some members of our church were hosting about adoption.  It was a one-day, all-day class about adoption from a Biblical perspective.  So we signed up, and a few weeks later we took part in the class and learned a lot more about adoption.  We got plugged into the adoption community at our church.  We started reading books, talking to friends and family, doing research online..anything we could to learn more. 
With all that initial momentum you would think we were off to a running start, but after the holidays we just felt stuck.  We had a lot more information, but didn't really know what to do with it.  We prayed about it a lot.  We asked others to pray with and for us.  We talked about it, then we avoided talking about it, then we started talking about it again.  We set up a meeting with a local agency that does home studies and also facilitates local adoptions.  We met with the wonderful owner of Adoption & Beyond here in Overland Park.  She was a font of information and exerted no pressure on us to sign up for anything we weren't ready for.
We solicited information from several local and national agencies, including an adoption facilitation agency (different from a traditional adoption agency).  The people I spoke to at the facilitation agency were extremely gracious and honest.  They ultimately decided that our family dynamic didn't fit with any of the birth mothers currently on their list so politely declined to take us on as clients.  More on that in another post...
After all that, we were still stuck.

September in review...

Things have been busy in the Kanary nest this month. Obviously we welcomed Ella to the world on the 7th. We celebrated James' birthday on the 13th. Grandma and Grandpa Kanary came to visit for almost a week. James went back to work. Kat's mothers group re-started after taking the summer off. Uncle Lucas (or as Jack says it "undle ludas") stopped for the night with his bandmates on their way from one show to the next during the midwest leg of their tour. Now we are gearing up for Katherine's birthday and looking forward to Halloween!

Here are some pictures from the month:

Jack meets Ella Rose

Jack meets Ella Rose, originally uploaded by kokanary.

Katherine and Jack stayed with our wonderful neighbors the night we spent in the hospital and Jack hung out with them during the 2 days I was in labor and recovering.

When we came home it was almost 9pm, but they brought Jack home to meet his new baby sister and got to enjoy the introduction with us!

Katherine meets Ella Rose

VID00050, originally uploaded by kokanary.

We hadn't planned to bring Katherine or Jack to the hospital to meet Ella. We thought it would just be easier to have the introduction be on home turf in an environment we could more easily control. Things just worked out such that we asked to be discharged from the hospital early and that meant James picked Katherine up at school and the two of them came back to the hospital to pick Ella and I up to go home. So, we got Katherine on video meeting Ella in the hospital.

My favorite question from Katherine - how do you know it is a girl? Well, honey, the same way we know you are a girl, I guess... She asked the question several times - apparently it was important to know for sure!

I also love that she was excited about her new baby sister, but equally excited to see the hospital room and check things out! Before long all she really wanted was a snack...typical Katherine!

Fun surprise from friends!

Opening gifts from the Hren family, originally uploaded by kokanary.

When we got up from naps today there was a box on our front porch. While cooking dinner we opened the package to find presents! We were blessed to have the opportunity to show a friend's family around and hang out a bit when they came to help him move to KC a few weeks ago.

As if the blessing of their company wasn't enough, they sent the kids gifts - we are so blessed! Thank you so much Clem, Fran and Jessica. We would love to host you for dinner the next time you are in town!

We got a wii!!!

Well, not exactly, but Jack has dubbed our post-Christmas purchase the "wee." Grandma and Grandpa were generous enough to send some Christmas money to the kids. With that money we purchased a really cool slide! Here is a video of the kids playing on the "wee" this morning.

Meeting Santa

Meeting Santa, originally uploaded by kokanary.

Our realtors have become friends. We spent quite a while looking for a house in KC and they were amazing through the entire process. They are truly good at what they do and make their customers feel like family. Each year they host a breakfast with Santa and invite all of their customers.

We had a blast! Katherine got her face painted, both kids got balloon animals, they both sat on Santa's lap, and Katherine talked to him a little bit. It was a fun morning and we got some great pictures!

Home Again...For Now

We got home early this morning from Memphis, our second (and second longest) trip in a series of summer voyages. We were there for the Pike convention. James worked a ton so the kids and I stayed out at our friend Dan's for the week. It was SO hot - I think the heat index was around 110 degrees on many of the days we were there - we really didn't do much outside.

We were able to see quite a few friends (through the convention and otherwise). It was wonderful to show off the kids and meet new additions to our friends' families. Of course, we never feel like we have enough time to actually reconnect with friends in a convention type environment. We definitely would have loved more of an opportunity to interact one-on-one (or family-to-family).

Here are some photos of our first trip (the St. Louis/Kansas City trip). I had hoped to spend some time uploading photos and blogging while in Memphis, but didn't end up having online access while we were there. So, I'll try to upload more as time permits! We leave again Thursday for a few days with family in Michigan. Then we're home again for a few days before my mom comes into town (yay)!

Nesting

Welcome to The Kanary Nest! This blog will be our online home - a place to post pictures and updates for family and friends to see. I am bad at sending pictures out to friends and family on a good day and it only promises to get more sporadic with the birth of our beautiful baby boy so this is our attempt to stay in touch! Wish us luck and stop by periodically for updates.